Finally, some fucking beaches!

Bali – just the name conjures up images of the perfect island paradise – white beaches, coconut trees and fruity cocktails. It was precisely what we were looking for after five months of inland travel. In Kuta, the tourist epicenter of this small Indonesian island, we found exactly that but this idealistic image didn’t make it far past the beach. Where we wished for palm thatched bungalows and beach shack restaurants, we found mega clubs, McDonalds, and hordes of sloppy drunk Australians.

Kuta has a reputation (deserved) for being Cancun for Australians.Despite being the target of terrorist bomb attacks in 2002 and 2005, the clubs are still full every night, dishing out rum drinks by the fishbowl and the latest dance tracks. I thought American youth had a near monopoly of the kind of self-centered, “I don’t give a fuck about anything except getting drunk” douchbaggery you see on MTV spring break, but I was sorely mistaken. Australians may even have us beat. Don’t get me wrong, we checked out the club scene and had a great time. We watched in wonder at a chick freak out in the corner on mushrooms (they are legal here), dudes pounding Bintang (local beer) and Indonesian gigolos swarming around blacked out girls gyrating in dance cages. While entertaining, it was sad to realize that this was exactly how we behaved back in the day. Damn, we’re old.

After three long days, we moved onto Ubud for a massive change of pace. Located in the middle of Bali, Ubud is the cultural and artistic center of the island. Instead of clubs and fast food, there are kecak dance performances and artist colonies. This was more our speed. We spent the days watching performances, eating, window shopping all the locally made handicrafts, and walking through the surrounding jungle and rice paddies. A mandatory stop was Warung Oka, featured in just about every foodie travel show known to man. They slow roast whole pigs with a magic brushing of local goodness, so delicious it caused Anthony Bourdain to proclaim, “This is the best thing I have ever eaten.”

Every night in Ubud should include a show by a local performance group, there are many to choose from and they are all terrific, even the shadow puppet show. Our favorite was the kecak fire and trance dance. A hundred men circle around a fire singing and chanting the soundtrack as beautifully adorned women and masked men perform in the center. The show ends with a man in a trance running through and kicking piles of burning coconut husks, crazy shit. The music created by a hundred voices chanting in unison almost brought tears to our eyes by the sheer power of it, for a taste Netflix Baraka and check it out. By far the best day was when we rented a motorbike and took off into the country side. We scooted to the northern most part of the island past ancient ruins – their meaning lost to time, volcanoes, and beautiful villages. It’s impossible to describe the splendor of this place, but once you come here your definition of paradise will forever be changed.